Welcome to New Support Staff Member: Tanda Eidsvoog

We are excited to introduce you to Tanda Eidsvoog, our new part-time office and program assistant. Welcome Tanda! We’re grateful God has called you to Door of Hope as a much-needed support staff member. Your joy and skill lifts us and keeps us moving.

Tanda shares a bit about herself...

Tanda Eidsvoog, Office and Program Assistant

Tanda Eidsvoog, Office and Program Assistant

God has been at work bringing new opportunities into my life this past year, so when I heard His call to Door of Hope, I decided to answer. I’m happy to be helping staff with administrative support, as well as working with our amazing volunteers.

I have a bachelor’s degree in Social Work from Bethel University. I have also recently been a Personal Care Assistant as well as the Women’s Ministry Director at my home church. Beyond that, my main role has been as a stay-at-home mom for the past 15 years.

My husband, Jason, and I have been married for 21 years and have 4 amazing children. We keep ourselves busy with 3 teenagers and our little 8-year-old! We attend Bridgewood Community Church and have been involved in many volunteer roles there.

As I have gained freedom in Christ step by step over the last 23 years, I’ve been passionate about helping others find that freedom as well. I believe that working with Door of Hope will be a great opportunity to share what I have been given.

Diane's Vacation Launches Our First International Satellite

Early in March, Founder and Executive Director, Diane Stores, came to visit Development Director, Jodi Hill, for 10 days of vacation time in Cuenca, Ecuador. Although they did some sightseeing, one thing led to another and it quickly became apparent that God had plans for them besides hiking, spas, and parks…

They met with nonprofit leaders and ministry leaders, presented to a women’s bible study, facilitated four trauma recovery counseling and prayer sessions, and, thanks to Leah Diaz, were even on local Christian cable TV!

Epidemic: 3 in 4 Women

In Ecuador, domestic violence is experienced by 3 of 4 women. This is higher than in the USA (1 in 3) and Mexico (2 in 3). In Ecuador, it’s an epidemic! Leaders they talked to are very hungry for our material and training.

Doors are flying open!

Thanks to the hearts at Iglesia Impacto International, especially Pastors Bobby and Lori Leek, and Associate Pastor, Jennifer England, doors are flying open for our first international satellite!

So, what is God doing? Well, here’s what we know so far…

  • On March 29th, we held our first virtual women’s support group. The group is populated almost exclusively by bi-lingual expats living and/or working in Cuenca and is at capacity. Many participants are interested in becoming Door of Hope support group leaders. We thrill at the thought of Spanish-speaking groups for Ecuadorian women starting this summer!

  • Our Authentic Hope Support Group Manual is being translated into Spanish and will be published, making it widely available.

  • In October, if God supplies the funding, we’ve been invited to provide a women’s conference and an equipping conference for ministry leaders. Pastors Bobby and Lori have opened their home for our team to stay in, and have offered their church space for the conferences. We are so grateful to you, Bobby and Lori! Thank you!

  • We’re looking into starting a legal nonprofit in Ecuador, under Door of Hope, which will make us an independent entity able to set up a ministry center, raise funds locally and even buy or rent space for a 12-18 month women’s shelter.

Knowing the God we serve, He’s calling in more people and resources to make this satellite sustainable and equipped to bring His hope and healing to the hurting families of Ecuador. If you sense God is calling you to donate time and/or money toward our work in Ecuador, please contact either Diane Stores at diane@doorofhopeministries.org or Jodi Hill, at jodi@doorofhopeministries.org. Thank you!

College Dating Violence

21%  of college students report dating violence by a current partner, and  32%  report a violent partner in a previous dating relationship.

21% of college students report dating violence by a current partner, and 32% report a violent partner in a previous dating relationship.

Last month we talked about Teen Dating Violence, but did you know dating abuse occurs on college campuses too?

The College Student’s Brain:

Adolescent brain development happens from ages 10 to 25, which means our college students are still adolescents!

I know…probably not what college students want to hear!

College Students:

Your still-developing brain means that the excitement of college is lighting up the back of your brain while the front of your brain has to work harder to calculate risk, make plans, and stop inappropriate behavior. In the thrill of a new relationship or the chase that comes before, pause and weigh whether it’s healthy or unhealthy--you can do that; it just takes a little more effort for your brain.

While we’re discussing healthy versus unhealthy relationships, I want to talk to the parents for a second…

Parents:

Did you know that three out of four parents have not talked to their children about abuse? This means our kids are not equipped to recognize abusive behavior.

In fact, 70% of young adults do not know they are being abused by their partner.

Having conversations with your adolescents about what a healthy relationship looks like prepares them to wisely select their relationships, romantic or otherwise.

Prevalence

In the US, women aged 16-24 experience the highest rates of intimate partner violence (aka domestic violence and dating violence). 21% of college students report dating violence by a current partner, and 32% report a violent partner in a previous dating relationship.

But there is another reason we need to equip our students…

About half (52%) of college students who know someone who is experiencing abuse do not say anything or act. Their reasons for staying quiet include not wanting to get involved and fear of ruining a friendship with either party, or of making the situation worse.

College Campus Challenges

It is very difficult to report violence or abuse. Why?

  • The campus is a small world: they may share a social circle with the person they are reporting, which can affect friendships or mean a risk of running into the abusive person

  • Distance from home: their support network may be miles away, making them feel alone

  • Parents: some worry about their parents finding out

  • Stalking: many students are concerned that this will be a repercussion of reporting

  • The Administration: the college culture has been portrayed in the news, and even on shows like Law and Order: SVU, as being insensitive, dishonest, and dismissive in situations like assaults or intimate partner violence. Unfortunately, this has been the experience of many, leading students to believe the administration will not understand or act.

Students are more vulnerable on a college campus than in the “real world.” Title IX gives colleges some requirements, but the safe guards are more limited than the legal system.

Action Steps

For Students:

  • Fill your shopping cart! During my years of dance training, my instructors used to tell us to watch others and put anything they did that we liked into our shopping cart. Find couples that you respect and admire and observe how they interact. When you see something you like, put it in your healthy relationship shopping cart. Then when you encounter behavior in college that doesn’t match, you can leave it on the shelf ;)

  • Find a strong support network: You may have to go off campus to find one that you can trust won’t fall apart should a situation arise. For me, I had a close family friend who lived near my school, and faculty members who did not know the person I was reporting.

For Parents/Caring Adults:

  • Respond well: We know that the response of the first person disclosed to is critical. The amazing woman I disclosed to said, “I don’t know what to do, but I’m going to find out right now and get you help.” This is a great model for anyone to follow.

  • Discuss relationships with adolescents: Remember they’re new to this! The more they can learn, the more equipped they will be. You also can establish yourself as a safe person to come to with questions, which is beneficial for the student as he or she thinks about and experiences dating.

If a young adult or college student needs help, feel free to contact our Youth and Young Adult Ministries Coordinator, Gabby Plaep, at 763-767-2150 or gabby@doorofhopeministries.org.

A great place for teens to learn more and receive support is our Hope-Filled Teens Support Groups. New groups, one for boys and one for girls, start March 26th. Learn more at www.doorofhopeministries.org/events. Register a teen by contacting Tanda at tanda@doorofhopeministries.org

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Written by Gabby Plaep, Door of Hope’s Youth and Young Adult Ministries Coordinator.

Gabby can be reached at at gabby@doorofhopeministries.org or 763-767-2150.

Spring Banquet - You’re Invited! Please Join Us!

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Door of Hope Spring Banquet - Overflowing Hope

Benefiting Survivors of Trauma & Abuse

Saturday, April 27, 2019
5:00 - 8:00 pm

North Heights Church
1700 Hwy 96 W
Arden Hills, MN

Silent Auction, Fun Interactive Activities, Three-Course Dinner, Stories and Updates

Please Join Us!

Tickets
Adults: $50
Children: Free
Sponsor a Table: $320

Registration Deadline is April 18th.

To Learn More or Register:
doorofhopeministries.org/spring-banquet
or call us at 763-767-2150

Hope to See You There!

 

Pause to Appreciate, by Diane Stores

Diane Stores, Founder and Executive Director

Diane Stores, Founder and Executive Director

Recently I was listening to a teaching by Mark Rutland. He was talking about God resting on the seventh day….Now we all know that God doesn’t get tired. Psalm 121:4 tells us that God neither slumbers or sleeps.

Dr. Rutland went on to say that the reference in Genesis 2:2 regarding God resting on the seventh day has a much fuller meaning. One of the meanings of this word in Hebrew is to pause and appreciate. God paused and appreciated all He had created.

Just saying those words makes me slow down and remember all He has done for me and for Door of Hope. I am trying to bring this phrase into my life several times each day.

I find each time I stop and remember all of the ways He has showered us with His goodness, my body and my soul slow down. Rest is so important, for it is in rest that revelation and refreshment come.

We have so many things to be grateful for. So, as I pause and appreciate today, these are some of the things that come to mind:

  • We just hired a part-time Bookkeeper/IT Manager, Dave Nimmo, and a part-time Office & Program Assistant, Tanda Eidsvoog

  • We increased hours for Associate Director, Nate Oyloe, with full-time status coming in April

  • Gabby Plaep’s (Youth and Young Adult Ministries Coordinator) hours will increase in April

  • All nine January - March support groups are full, with the exception of the teen group

  • Our new March support groups in Cloquet are maxed out – with 11 ladies in each of the two groups

  • Our Mankato conference is all set for March 22 – 23 and we already have 40 ladies signed up

  • Jodi Hill (Development Director) and I met with leaders in Cuenca, Ecuador this week in anticipation of a women’s conference soon

I could go on and on…God is on the move! We are so blessed to partner with Him in His work as He continues to bring hope and healing to so many.

Please join us at our April 27th Overflowing Hope banquet! It’s going to be a time of celebrating all God has done and will do for those we serve!

We appreciate your support so much! You make this work possible. Last year was a year of multiplication and we are already seeing so much growth happening this year. We couldn’t do it without you. Thank you for all your love, prayers, and support.

Diane Stores
Founder and Executive Director
Door of Hope Ministries

 

Welcome to New Support Staff, Dave Nimmo

Dave Nimmo, bookkeeping and IT

Dave Nimmo, bookkeeping and IT

We are excited to introduce you to Dave Nimmo, our new part-time bookkeeper and IT person! Welcome Dave! We’re so grateful God has called you to Door of Hope as a much-needed support staff member. Thank you and bless you!

Dave shares a bit about himself…

I am very excited to be partnering with Door of Hope, and assuming some bookkeeping responsibilities to free up time for others to minister to the many hurting people who come to Door of Hope.

My wife, Cathy, and I have known about Door of Hope for the past several years and are happy to get more involved in the ministry in whatever capacity the Lord is pleased to use us. 

Our relationship began through Darlene Cook [Associate Director], and every time we engage at Door of Hope we are impressed with the love, integrity, and connection with Jesus we see in the staff and volunteers.

I work in Roseville, and my training and experience is with database and computer systems. I am, along with Cathy, also in the process of engaging with Door of Hope as Trauma Recovery Counseling and Prayer Ministry team member.

Cathy, the love of my life for the past 45 years, and I reside in Coon Rapids. We attend Emmanuel Christian Center, where Cathy is involved with the women’s ministry, and the two of us help mentor marriages. We have four children and eight grandchildren. 

In our spare time, we love to travel and visit our kids and grand kids in California, as well as our family here in Minnesota. Our favorite pastime is driving (usually West) with nothing to do but enjoy conversation and coffee together.

February Is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

What is Teen Dating Violence?
TDV is any pattern of abuse or threat of abuse in a teen dating relationship. Violence can be physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, or digital.

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What Does it Look Like?
Unlike adult intimate partner violence, aggression tends to be mutual, but the reasons are different.(1) While both boys and girls are aggressive out of anger, girls use aggressive behavior to defend themselves, while boys use aggression to gain control.

Boys and girls are also affected differently. Girls are more likely to be injured and suffer long-term effects. Boys are more likely to laugh it off.(1)

How Common is TDV?
Each year, about 1.5 million high school students experience physical violence. Of those that report TDV, 76% report emotional violence in the forms of verbal abuse, isolation, or embarrassment.

What Puts Teens at Risk?
Factors that lead to a teen’s vulnerability to dating violence include witnessing or experiencing violence in the home, having a friend involved in TDV, or believing dating violence is okay.(2)

A major risk factor for teens is that dating is a completely new world to them. If they do not have guidance from healthy adults, they tend to flounder alone through new feelings, challenges, and experiences.

The teen brain is going through a rewiring process from back to front. This means the part of the brain involved in emotions and rewards matures before the part that calculates risk, makes plans, and stops inappropriate behavior. The teen brain also has a Personal Fable, an Invisible Audience, and the Myth of Invincibility. What do these mean in dating? Well...

Personal Fable: ”every relationship and breakup in my life is of lasting and global importance” Despite how it sounds, the teen is not being dramatic; it is a part of their brain development.

Invisible Audience: everyone is watching and evaluating me” This makes teens susceptible to peer pressure both good and bad. Violent behavior may be exhibited in front of friends when the teen would not normally behave that way (3).

Myth of Invincibility: ”this behavior or activity is risky, but nothing will happen to me”

How Can I Help the Teens in My Life?

Be a Model: teens not only need to see many examples of healthy relationships, but they may have a fairytale-esque view of relationships. When conflict arises, they may not be prepared, so having models of proper conflict resolution is vital.

Have Conversations: teens need mentors, but they are striving for independence. Casual, matter-of-fact conversations are great places to share advice and guidance.

Help Them Set Boundaries: and the earlier the better! Having boundaries set before a relationship starts is better than attempting to figure out boundaries as you go.

A great place for teens to learn more and receive support is our Hope-Filled Teens Support Groups. New groups, one for boys and one for girls, start March 26th. Learn more: www.doorofhopeministries.org/events. If a teen needs help, feel free to contact Gabby at gabby@doorofhopeministries.org or 763-767-2150.

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Written by Gabby Plaep, Door of Hope’s Youth and Young Adult Ministries Coordinator. Gabby can be reached at at gabby@doorofhopeministries.org or 763-767-2150.

Sources
1.  Teen Dating Violence: A Closer Look at Adolescent Romantic Relationships, Carrie Mulford Ph. D and Peggy C. Giordano Ph. D., NIJ Journal Issue 261
2.  Understanding Teen Dating Violence Fact Sheet, 2014--National Center for Injury Prevention and Control
3.  NIJ Journal

 

Intercessory Prayer Group

We've started an intercessory prayer team to pray for our work, our clients, and the abused and traumatized in our city, state and world.

Meetings are every Monday from 10 to 11am at our ministry center in Blaine, MN (address given when you join the group).

ALL ARE WELCOME!

If you have interest or want to learn more, please contact Associate Director, Nate Oyloe, at nate@doorofhopeministries.org.

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Meet Board Member, David Melander

Board Member, David Melander

Board Member, David Melander

David Melander, a long-time Door of Hope board member, shares why he’s committed to the mission of Door of Hope.

I believe in Door of Hope, and our unique approach to resolving abuse in families.

This unique approach includes:

  • providing safe places for people to work through the root causes of abuse in families

  • ministering not only to women who have experienced abuse, but also to men and children

  • carrying an international vision that is guiding our work toward safe-housing shelters in several countries, in addition to new shelters here in the USA

We also have tools and methods to build a foundation for shelters, such as methods for trauma recovery and practical tools for shelter operation. I believe these tools and methods were given to Door of Hope from God for a special purpose that is just unfolding.

I have known the leaders at Door of Hope for decades and have seen how fruitful our approach is to bringing real, lasting changes to the lives of those who come to us for support groups or trauma recovery. It works. 

More about David: David Melander is a long-time member of North Heights Lutheran Church and has been involved in teaching, missions, and prayer ministry for 30+ years. He is married to his lovely wife, Adri, and has four adult children. David works in international business, primarily in medical device and primarily in projects that bridge the US and China. He has over 180 China entry stamps. He has worked on many high level projects in many countries including India, Indonesia, and others. 

Stalking is Abuse Too...

One is six women are stalked in their lifetime…

One is six women are stalked in their lifetime…

by Youth and Young Adult Ministry Coordinator, Gabby Plaep

Did you know January is Stalking Awareness Month and that this year is the 15th annual National Stalking Awareness Month?

I must admit, I was shocked to hear that this has been around for 15 years. Stalking is not a topic discussed often, or that people know much about.

So, let’s look at the basics and some common misconceptions.

What is Stalking?

According to Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center (SPARC), stalking is “a pattern of behavior directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear.”

While many think of stalking as being followed or spied on, it involves much more. Besides the person stalking showing up unexpectedly or uninvited at places the person being stalked spends time, stalking also includes any unwanted contact. This may be in the form of text or social media messages, gifts, approaching the person’s family or friends, damaging the person’s property, or threatening the person.

Who Can Experience Stalking?

The answer is anyone.

Highest rates of stalking happen between the ages of 18 and 24.

One in six women will experience stalking at some point in their life. I first heard this statistic in a Rape Aggression Defense (RAD) training as a senior in college. It was followed by the chilling illustration that since there were about 10 of us girls sitting in the room, it was likely one of us would experience it. This turned out to be true, as I had been stalked two years earlier, as a sophomore.

About 1 in 17 men will also be stalked in their lifetime.

Who Does the Stalking?

Most people are stalked by someone they know. While this does include exes, they may be stalked by an acquaintance or a family member as well.

But What They’re Experiencing Doesn’t Seem Like a Big Deal

Something that seems harmless to you may be terrifying to someone experiencing stalking.

That gift you think is so romantic? It might signal to the recipient that a stalker now knows where they live or work.

That behavior you would classify as annoying but not really a big deal? It may be a part of an escalating behavior pattern that has left the affected person fearing where this is going and what will happen next. Remember the part of the definition that it causes fear in a reasonable person? It is important to understand why the person is scared.

receiving understanding and compassion from you will mean the world to them

It is likely that someone being stalked will sense being dismissed by those around them, so receiving understanding and compassion from you will mean the world to them.

When I was stalked, I revisited campus security because what they promised to do had not been done. They implied that I should be forgiving and just let it go. I’m thankful that God brought friends, family, some close faculty, and a chaplain to support me through the process. I wouldn’t have been as assertive without their support.

But They Don’t Seem Scared

This can be confusing. At Door of Hope, we talk about feeling defenses, which are emotions exhibited in place of the core feeling. For example, someone being stalked may appear angry when they’re actually scared.

There are other behaviors that may reveal if someone is being stalked. For example, do they go out of their way to avoid certain locations or change their appearance? Look for behaviors that demonstrate a fear of someone, even if the one being stalked seems angry or irritated.

Action Steps

1.     Making a change starts with awareness of stalking and becoming informed. SPARC is a great resource for more information.

2.     Then educate those around you. Talk with your friends and family, start a campaign on your college campus, etc.

3.     Know the signs and be someone that can be turned to in a stalking situation. The one being stalked will need someone who strives to understand their fear rather than brush it off as “no big deal.”

My Story

Although stalking was something I went through, it is not my identity. I have experienced God’s healing and am finding my identity in Him. His perfect love is casting out my fear (1 John 4:18) and is continuously renewing and restoring me.

My story is not unique, as God’s healing love is available to all. At Door of Hope we see Jesus bring healing every day.  If you, or someone you know, is being stalked and needs help, feel free to contact me at gabby@doorofhopeministries.org or 763-767-2150.