February Is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

What is Teen Dating Violence?
TDV is any pattern of abuse or threat of abuse in a teen dating relationship. Violence can be physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, or digital.

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What Does it Look Like?
Unlike adult intimate partner violence, aggression tends to be mutual, but the reasons are different.(1) While both boys and girls are aggressive out of anger, girls use aggressive behavior to defend themselves, while boys use aggression to gain control.

Boys and girls are also affected differently. Girls are more likely to be injured and suffer long-term effects. Boys are more likely to laugh it off.(1)

How Common is TDV?
Each year, about 1.5 million high school students experience physical violence. Of those that report TDV, 76% report emotional violence in the forms of verbal abuse, isolation, or embarrassment.

What Puts Teens at Risk?
Factors that lead to a teen’s vulnerability to dating violence include witnessing or experiencing violence in the home, having a friend involved in TDV, or believing dating violence is okay.(2)

A major risk factor for teens is that dating is a completely new world to them. If they do not have guidance from healthy adults, they tend to flounder alone through new feelings, challenges, and experiences.

The teen brain is going through a rewiring process from back to front. This means the part of the brain involved in emotions and rewards matures before the part that calculates risk, makes plans, and stops inappropriate behavior. The teen brain also has a Personal Fable, an Invisible Audience, and the Myth of Invincibility. What do these mean in dating? Well...

Personal Fable: ”every relationship and breakup in my life is of lasting and global importance” Despite how it sounds, the teen is not being dramatic; it is a part of their brain development.

Invisible Audience: everyone is watching and evaluating me” This makes teens susceptible to peer pressure both good and bad. Violent behavior may be exhibited in front of friends when the teen would not normally behave that way (3).

Myth of Invincibility: ”this behavior or activity is risky, but nothing will happen to me”

How Can I Help the Teens in My Life?

Be a Model: teens not only need to see many examples of healthy relationships, but they may have a fairytale-esque view of relationships. When conflict arises, they may not be prepared, so having models of proper conflict resolution is vital.

Have Conversations: teens need mentors, but they are striving for independence. Casual, matter-of-fact conversations are great places to share advice and guidance.

Help Them Set Boundaries: and the earlier the better! Having boundaries set before a relationship starts is better than attempting to figure out boundaries as you go.

A great place for teens to learn more and receive support is our Hope-Filled Teens Support Groups. New groups, one for boys and one for girls, start March 26th. Learn more: www.doorofhopeministries.org/events. If a teen needs help, feel free to contact Gabby at gabby@doorofhopeministries.org or 763-767-2150.

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Written by Gabby Plaep, Door of Hope’s Youth and Young Adult Ministries Coordinator. Gabby can be reached at at gabby@doorofhopeministries.org or 763-767-2150.

Sources
1.  Teen Dating Violence: A Closer Look at Adolescent Romantic Relationships, Carrie Mulford Ph. D and Peggy C. Giordano Ph. D., NIJ Journal Issue 261
2.  Understanding Teen Dating Violence Fact Sheet, 2014--National Center for Injury Prevention and Control
3.  NIJ Journal

 

Intercessory Prayer Group

We've started an intercessory prayer team to pray for our work, our clients, and the abused and traumatized in our city, state and world.

Meetings are every Monday from 10 to 11am at our ministry center in Blaine, MN (address given when you join the group).

ALL ARE WELCOME!

If you have interest or want to learn more, please contact Associate Director, Nate Oyloe, at nate@doorofhopeministries.org.

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Meet Board Member, David Melander

Board Member, David Melander

Board Member, David Melander

David Melander, a long-time Door of Hope board member, shares why he’s committed to the mission of Door of Hope.

I believe in Door of Hope, and our unique approach to resolving abuse in families.

This unique approach includes:

  • providing safe places for people to work through the root causes of abuse in families

  • ministering not only to women who have experienced abuse, but also to men and children

  • carrying an international vision that is guiding our work toward safe-housing shelters in several countries, in addition to new shelters here in the USA

We also have tools and methods to build a foundation for shelters, such as methods for trauma recovery and practical tools for shelter operation. I believe these tools and methods were given to Door of Hope from God for a special purpose that is just unfolding.

I have known the leaders at Door of Hope for decades and have seen how fruitful our approach is to bringing real, lasting changes to the lives of those who come to us for support groups or trauma recovery. It works. 

More about David: David Melander is a long-time member of North Heights Lutheran Church and has been involved in teaching, missions, and prayer ministry for 30+ years. He is married to his lovely wife, Adri, and has four adult children. David works in international business, primarily in medical device and primarily in projects that bridge the US and China. He has over 180 China entry stamps. He has worked on many high level projects in many countries including India, Indonesia, and others. 

Stalking is Abuse Too...

One is six women are stalked in their lifetime…

One is six women are stalked in their lifetime…

by Youth and Young Adult Ministry Coordinator, Gabby Plaep

Did you know January is Stalking Awareness Month and that this year is the 15th annual National Stalking Awareness Month?

I must admit, I was shocked to hear that this has been around for 15 years. Stalking is not a topic discussed often, or that people know much about.

So, let’s look at the basics and some common misconceptions.

What is Stalking?

According to Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center (SPARC), stalking is “a pattern of behavior directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear.”

While many think of stalking as being followed or spied on, it involves much more. Besides the person stalking showing up unexpectedly or uninvited at places the person being stalked spends time, stalking also includes any unwanted contact. This may be in the form of text or social media messages, gifts, approaching the person’s family or friends, damaging the person’s property, or threatening the person.

Who Can Experience Stalking?

The answer is anyone.

Highest rates of stalking happen between the ages of 18 and 24.

One in six women will experience stalking at some point in their life. I first heard this statistic in a Rape Aggression Defense (RAD) training as a senior in college. It was followed by the chilling illustration that since there were about 10 of us girls sitting in the room, it was likely one of us would experience it. This turned out to be true, as I had been stalked two years earlier, as a sophomore.

About 1 in 17 men will also be stalked in their lifetime.

Who Does the Stalking?

Most people are stalked by someone they know. While this does include exes, they may be stalked by an acquaintance or a family member as well.

But What They’re Experiencing Doesn’t Seem Like a Big Deal

Something that seems harmless to you may be terrifying to someone experiencing stalking.

That gift you think is so romantic? It might signal to the recipient that a stalker now knows where they live or work.

That behavior you would classify as annoying but not really a big deal? It may be a part of an escalating behavior pattern that has left the affected person fearing where this is going and what will happen next. Remember the part of the definition that it causes fear in a reasonable person? It is important to understand why the person is scared.

receiving understanding and compassion from you will mean the world to them

It is likely that someone being stalked will sense being dismissed by those around them, so receiving understanding and compassion from you will mean the world to them.

When I was stalked, I revisited campus security because what they promised to do had not been done. They implied that I should be forgiving and just let it go. I’m thankful that God brought friends, family, some close faculty, and a chaplain to support me through the process. I wouldn’t have been as assertive without their support.

But They Don’t Seem Scared

This can be confusing. At Door of Hope, we talk about feeling defenses, which are emotions exhibited in place of the core feeling. For example, someone being stalked may appear angry when they’re actually scared.

There are other behaviors that may reveal if someone is being stalked. For example, do they go out of their way to avoid certain locations or change their appearance? Look for behaviors that demonstrate a fear of someone, even if the one being stalked seems angry or irritated.

Action Steps

1.     Making a change starts with awareness of stalking and becoming informed. SPARC is a great resource for more information.

2.     Then educate those around you. Talk with your friends and family, start a campaign on your college campus, etc.

3.     Know the signs and be someone that can be turned to in a stalking situation. The one being stalked will need someone who strives to understand their fear rather than brush it off as “no big deal.”

My Story

Although stalking was something I went through, it is not my identity. I have experienced God’s healing and am finding my identity in Him. His perfect love is casting out my fear (1 John 4:18) and is continuously renewing and restoring me.

My story is not unique, as God’s healing love is available to all. At Door of Hope we see Jesus bring healing every day.  If you, or someone you know, is being stalked and needs help, feel free to contact me at gabby@doorofhopeministries.org or 763-767-2150.

Meet New Associate Director, Nate Oyloe

New Associate Director, Nate Oyloe

New Associate Director, Nate Oyloe

We’re delighted to announce that God is expanding our reach through a new Associate Director, Nate Oyloe. Welcome Nate, we’re praising God for you and your call to join Door of Hope!

Here’s Nate’s message to you...

Almost 20 years ago, the Lord spoke to my heart. “Son, raise up a generation in My love and in My power — a generation like Moses who will lead the Church out of her Egypts.”

At the time, I didn’t know why God was calling me to raise up a generation, and didn’t know how to do it. Over the years, the Lord has been faithful to answer those questions.

The next generation will lead every sphere of life. Therefore, what they believe about the image of God is paramount to their sense of being human and part of God’s created order. Without a biblical understanding of the image of God and our being made in His image, the next generation—and society as we know it—will unravel. The fact that we are created in God’s image is solid ground for every generation.

Early in my recovery, I connected with the Twin Cities prayer movement where I found people of faith who encouraged me to spend extended times in prayer and in God’s Word. They taught me how to study the Bible and how to receive the revelation of the Father’s heart found in the Bible.

As I saw the fruit of a dynamic prayer life, I began to use this strategy in my work with young adults. The fruit was astounding. The Lord granted speedy healing and provision to those crying out to Him (Luke 18:8). I saw that God is raising up a generation in His love and power by revealing His love and power through prayer.

Now, my calling is clear: I am to help raise up a generation in God’s love and power, through prayer and worship while standing for the truth of God’s image.

As Associate Director, I will be developing programming and working with men, and with college-aged and 20-somethings. I will also lead an intercessory prayer team to pray for Door of Hope, our clients, and the abused and traumatized in our city, state and world.

Your prayers and financial support are essential to the work God has called us to accomplish. Thank you.

I look forward to getting to know many of you this year!

Feel free to contact me at 763-767-2150 or nate@doorofhopeministries.org.

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I Found a Lifestyle of Joy!

Aimee Anderson

Aimee Anderson

One of our clients, Aimee Anderson, shared a video of her story of healing on Facebook, and in the text below her video clip, she says...

"I have been going to the cities for training to learn more about how trauma affects the body. There is a wonderful curriculum called Authentic Hope, through a place called Door of Hope, and here I have found even more healing, and a lifestyle of joy!

My friend and I are excited to announce there will be a Women's Conference in Cloquet, coming January 2019. We would love to see you there!

We don't have to be what other people have said/done to us, we get to shed off the lies and trauma, and live our lives to the highest potential, because we are tapping into the joy center! It's a whole new way of approaching unresolved trauma... through the joy/control center of our brains!

It's amazing what neuroscience has taught us, how our brains can be renewed... I have never had such a zeal for life before! Here's to expecting good things in 2019! *fireworks*"

To learn more or register for the Cloquet women's conference on January 25 - 26, visit here.

To schedule an appointment to resolve trauma, visit here or contact us at prayer@doorofhopeministries.org.

Year-End Match: Over the Top! Thank you!

Thanks to the 26 donors who surpassed a generous $6200 2018 year-end match!

A total of $16,588 came in, for $4,100 over the match total of $12,400.

You're ensuring that more will be freed from abuse, and reached with the healing of Jesus in 2019!

Thank you!

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Women's Christmas Event at Abundant Life

Gabby Plaep speaking at the Christmas Tea  More photos

Gabby Plaep speaking at the Christmas Tea
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On December 7th, Gabby Plaep, our Youth and Young Adult Ministry Coordinator, spoke at Abundant Life Church’s Women's Christmas Tea.

The ladies took donations for Door of Hope Ministries, raising more than $400! Thank you ladies!

We are so blessed by this church family, who keeps showing up and helping out. They are incredible people of God!

Thank you to Abundant Life and to all of you who organized and attended the event!

Together we work to bring God's healing to the world...

To request a Door of Hope speaker for your event or gathering, click here and fill out the form, or you can contact us at diane@doorofhopeministries.org or 763-767-2150.

Meet New Board Member, Rev. Dr. Kendra Diehl, A.B.D.

Kendra Diehl, New Board Member

Kendra Diehl, New Board Member

I am deeply honored to join this team of Godly leaders who work tirelessly to bring the love of Christ and power of the Holy Spirit into the lives of women, children and men who have suffered trauma and abuse.

Christ gave his life so we all may live. It is by the power of God’s Spirit on the earth today that freedom can be experienced by all.

Door of Hope is a safe place to be loved and to experience new life.

As a board member, I hope to share my experience and education in the area of Spiritual Formation and Leadership Development. 

A bit more about her: Kendra Diehl is Vice President of The Master’s Institute Seminary, and Director of Spiritual and Character Formation. She and her husband Rob have been married for 35 years, and are blessed to have three adult children, Caila (Dave), Tom (Katie) and Mitch, and two kind and creative grandsons, Levi and Emerson.